Cold-Hearted ASSHOLE

I just got home and I'm incredibly pissed.

After my last class, I went up to the 4th floor to visit my friends who were still in class. Everything was somewhat fine, although I thought my trigonometry professor was a ghost in the hallway and it was raining pretty hard. As I climbed up the stairs, I heard a meow. Surely enough it was a cat... In the fourth floor of our school. It was weird at first and all my friends held her in their arms and smiled at her. After their short break me and a friend of mine gave it left over bread and some water. It was such a cute cat.

After a while we just left her there and went on to take pictures of our unsuspecting friends. Other people were now caressing the kitty and we laughed and awed at it's cuteness. Unfortunately then, I had to go home since it was nearing 6:30pm. My dad had sent me a text message saying he was on his way.

As I was walking towards the elevator, I saw two of my other friends. We were chatting at first then I mentioned that a cat was at the Student's Center. One of my friends suddenly gasped. She said that she saw one of the staff of our school, let's give him an alias like ASSHOLE, throw the kitty OFF THE FORTH FLOOR, INTO THE FUCKING RAIN AND IT LANDED ON THE FLOOR!...

WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD THROW A CAT OFF THE FOURTH FLOOR?!

We ran to in the elevator and quickly got out at the basement when we got there. I was asking who threw the cat off the fourth floor and my friend wasn't certain that it was the ASSHOLE but we knew that he was prolly the one who did. As we walked the hallway that was open to the field, we saw the cat. At first we thought that she was alright but she didn't move. I felt so sad so I carried the cat to a safe place where she would be somewhat safe. But if you can't move then you can't hunt. So, her fate was sealed, pretty much ASSHOLE would come down and really kill the poor thing. I left her my hanky to keep her warm. Hopefully it would help even for just a while.

Still, another death in my life.

What I can't take is that HE CANNOT VALUE LIFE.
Another thing, when another friend of mine who was upstairs asked him where the kitty was, he replied with "Oh, she flew down there."
I wonder what he'll feel if I push him off the fourth floor.
If it wasn't a grave sin, I would do it.

MotherFucking Percy! Burn in hell!
“God gives life and only God can take it away!”
KEEP THAT IN YOUR PEANUT-SIZED BRAIN!

Again I Go Unnoticed...

She smiles
As if she's done something right, something to be proud of
But it is something stupid
Something that would ruin her friendship with some of us

Whoever knew that that girl who has such a great smile, personality and talent would hurt herself? She hurts herself so bad that bruises can be seen on her skin. I felt the pain. We try to help her, everyday, giving her alternatives in letting out her rage. But she never listens. No one ever does.

"Do that again and I'll jump off the building..."

"I'll try..."

"I'll try not to jump then..."

"Alright."

"..."

That hurt me a lot. Doesn't she believe me?.. Doesn't she know that by hurting herself like that, she gives other people the wrong idea that they too should hurt themselves? I know that she has a lot of problems in her life. But hurting herself is not the answer. Doesn't she know that we're here for her? That we would try our best to help her with her problems? Doesn't she appreciate that we're here?...

I have no idea and most of the times, I turn out to become nosy with other people's business to find out the answer. At other times, I make the mistake of not being nosy enough.

She's not the only person who has those problems. I have experienced some of what she's going through, but I've stopped trying to kill myself over something I know I can fix soon, if not later. I guess not all people can...

I feel so useless that I can't do anything for her. I feel so stupid to TRY and do something for her. She's practically the sister I never had and yet I can't do anything to help her.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I help her? Why can't I help them?
Why am I so useless?

Another Bad Memory to Store...

"I made the choice to finally go because I can’t stand this pain. It’s time for my last tear to fall and for me to smile again."

I fell in love with two persons at once... One of those persons is a very close friend of mine. We were so close that I felt so comfortable in telling him that I liked him. Not just like, but more of like like. He understood what I was trying to say. He knew...

Before that day that I told him that I liked him, he told me all about his 'crushes' and the girls he used to like. I knew he liked "Chinita" girls. Girls who were light-skinned, beautiful and all that. Most of it was something I am not... I am not skinny, or girly or beautiful.

Anyway, after I told him what I felt, he began telling me about a girl he REALLY liked. As a good friend, trying to give him advice, I told him to be positive and that everything's gonna be fine. I tried to cheer him up and all that. I got angry every time he cuts himself and I try to help even though I couldn't do shit.

But after all that he still sees me as his little sister...

Now that I can't take anymore of what he says about that girl. She's a friend of mine and she's cool and all that. I just cant help but feel so jealous of her. She's great to be honest. She's a cool friend and she's there if you need a shoulder to cry on. Moreover, she's smart and intelligent. DEFINITELY something I'm not.

Tomorrow, I have to tell him how I feel. I have to stay away from him. It's for the best not only for myself, but for him too. At least he won't have to think about me at all. And I guess if you really love someone, you have to let that person go.

I've been through this a lot of times and he was the only guy that I really ACTUALLY like liked. Someone I seriously liked, given my case right now. Unfortunately, I can't have him as my own... And he wouldn't want to even if he tried...

"I made the choice to finally go because I can’t stand this pain. It’s time for my last tear to fall and for me to smile again...

I pray that you will forgive me for walking away."